Husband’s deliberate incompetence in household chores: The crisis of changing relationships
Marriage is not just about living together; it is a partnership of equals. Household chores are as important as jobs or businesses. Deliberate incompetence ruins relationships. Sharing responsibilities equally is the foundation of a happy family. Modern marriage will last only if there is both partnership and respect.
While the modern lifestyle has opened up new opportunities in relationships, it has also posed many new challenges. Education, employment, and technology have made women more independent and self-reliant than before. Today’s woman is actively moving out of the confines of the home and taking up jobs, business, and administrative responsibilities. But the irony is that her position within the threshold of the house has not changed as much as it should have. In most families, the responsibility of household chores is still almost entirely put on women.
A new and worrying form of this problem has emerged – the husband deliberately shows incompetence in household chores. This is called weaponised incompetence in Western society, which simply means that the husband deliberately spoils the household chores to show that he is incapable of doing these tasks. As a result, the wife has to do everything again, and gradually the entire burden of the house falls on her shoulders.
Imagine that the wife asks him to cook vegetables in the kitchen. The husband will add so much salt that the food will not be fit for eating. Or while washing clothes, he will put the colored and white clothes together so that they get spoiled. If he is given the responsibility of getting the child to do his homework, he sits half-heartedly and confuses the child further. In such cases, he later says casually, “Look, I can’t do it, you do it.” Such repeated incidents force the wife to handle everything herself.
This tendency is not just a form of laziness, but a gender discrimination hidden deep in the mentality. For centuries, society has created the notion that household work is the responsibility of women, and men are limited to outside responsibilities. But in today’s time, when women are shouldering equal responsibilities outside as well, then this argument is neither fair nor acceptable.
This situation became clearer during the coronavirus pandemic and lockdown. When offices were confined to homes, children started staying at home all the time, and help from outside stopped coming, it was seen in millions of families that the workload on women increased manifold. They were in online meetings all day long and also had to shoulder the responsibility of cooking three meals a day, teaching children, cleaning, and taking care of the elderly. Husbands avoided these responsibilities as much as possible, and the excuse was that they were not adept at household chores. This situation gave rise to tension in many relationships, and the incidence of divorce and separation increased in many families.
Women are no longer compromising silently with the situation as before. Being educated and self-reliant, they are demanding equality. For them, marriage is no longer just a matter of following tradition, but a partnership. This partnership means that both partners share the responsibilities of the house. When the husband deliberately shows incompetence, it directly affects the self-esteem and mental health of the wife. Many times this situation becomes the cause of depression, anxiety, and fatigue.
This tendency also harms relationships from a psychological point of view. A relationship is strong only when there is a sense of equality and trust in it. If one party repeatedly runs away from responsibility and the other party carries everything out of compulsion, then gradually resentment, bitterness, and distance increase. The wife feels that her hard work is not being valued, and the husband feels that he has escaped for his convenience. This imbalance cannot last for long.
Research has been done on this subject at the international level as well. Many sociological studies in America, Canada, and Europe have found that unequal distribution of household work is a major reason for divorce. The same trend is being seen in India as well. In the backdrop of changing urban life, dual employment, and small families, women are becoming more vocal and are openly demanding equality.
The solution to this problem will not come only through law or social pressure, but it is possible only through mutual dialogue and understanding between husband and wife. Men have to understand that household tasks are not just ordinary tasks, but they keep the foundation of the family strong. If kitchen work, children’s studies or house cleaning are not done on time and properly, the atmosphere of the house deteriorates and stress increases. Therefore, it is not right to take them lightly or impose them only on the woman.
Similarly, women should also keep in mind that they should not take every responsibility on themselves without being told. Many times, women remain silent, thinking that “if he will not do it, then I will have to do it.” Gradually, this pattern becomes permanent, and the husband becomes used to avoiding responsibility. Therefore, the habit of sharing work must be developed between the two from the very beginning.
The education system and social campaigns also need to send the message that household chores are not the responsibility of a single gender. Children need to be taught from childhood that both boys and girls can wash utensils, cook food, and do all the household chores. Only when this thinking develops from childhood will inequality decrease in the coming generation.
Society must also accept that household work has an economic and social value. If a woman or a man is doing household chores all day, he or she is working as hard as a person doing a job. It is unfair to underestimate it by just calling it “women’s work”.
The incompetence shown by the husband in household chores not only breaks personal relationships but also deepens inequality and injustice in society. If modern marriages are to be made sustainable and strong, then this mindset must change. Partnership and equality are the biggest needs of today.
Ultimately, it can be said that marriage is not just a contract to live together. It is a bond in which both partners share each other’s joys and difficulties. If the husband makes excuses for his incompetence to avoid responsibilities, it will hollow the relationship. On the contrary, if he takes equal responsibility, not only will trust and love increase in the relationship, but the family will also become happy and strong.
So it is time for society to challenge this trend instead of accepting it as normal. Women deserve equality, and men must shoulder equal responsibility. Only then can modern marriage become truly successful and sustainable.
Modern marriage will only survive through partnership and equality
Husband’s deliberate incompetence in household chores: The crisis of changing relationships
Marriage is not just about living together; it is a partnership of equals. Household chores are as important as jobs or businesses. Deliberate incompetence ruins relationships. Sharing responsibilities equally is the foundation of a happy family. Modern marriage will last only if there is both partnership and respect.
While the modern lifestyle has opened up new opportunities in relationships, it has also posed many new challenges. Education, employment, and technology have made women more independent and self-reliant than before. Today’s woman is actively moving out of the confines of the home and taking up jobs, business, and administrative responsibilities. But the irony is that her position within the threshold of the house has not changed as much as it should have. In most families, the responsibility of household chores is still almost entirely put on women.
A new and worrying form of this problem has emerged – the husband deliberately shows incompetence in household chores. This is called weaponised incompetence in Western society, which simply means that the husband deliberately spoils the household chores to show that he is incapable of doing these tasks. As a result, the wife has to do everything again, and gradually the entire burden of the house falls on her shoulders.
Imagine that the wife asks him to cook vegetables in the kitchen. The husband will add so much salt that the food will not be fit for eating. Or while washing clothes, he will put the colored and white clothes together so that they get spoiled. If he is given the responsibility of getting the child to do his homework, he sits half-heartedly and confuses the child further. In such cases, he later says casually, “Look, I can’t do it, you do it.” Such repeated incidents force the wife to handle everything herself.
This tendency is not just a form of laziness, but a gender discrimination hidden deep in the mentality. For centuries, society has created the notion that household work is the responsibility of women, and men are limited only to outside responsibilities. But in today’s time, when women are shouldering equal responsibilities outside as well, then this argument is neither fair nor acceptable.
This situation became clearer during the coronavirus pandemic and lockdown. When offices were confined to homes, children started staying at home all the time, and help from outside stopped coming. It was seen in millions of families that the workload on women increased manifold. They were in online meetings all day long and also had to shoulder the responsibility of cooking three meals a day, teaching children, cleaning, and taking care of the elderly. Husbands avoided these responsibilities as much as possible, and the excuse was that they were not adept at household chores. This situation gave rise to tension in many relationships, and the incidence of divorce and separation increased in many families.
Women are no longer compromising silently with the situation as before. Being educated and self-reliant, they are demanding equality. For them, marriage is no longer just a matter of following tradition, but a partnership. This partnership means that both partners share the responsibilities of the house. When the husband deliberately shows incompetence, it directly affects the self-esteem and mental health of the wife. Many times, this situation becomes the cause of depression, anxiety, and fatigue.
This tendency also harms relationships from a psychological point of view. A relationship is strong only when there is a sense of equality and trust in it. If one party repeatedly runs away from responsibility and the other party carries everything out of compulsion, then gradually resentment, bitterness, and distance increase. The wife feels that her hard work is not being valued, and the husband feels that he has escaped for his convenience. This imbalance cannot last for long.
Research has been done on this subject at the international level as well. Many sociological studies in America, Canada, and Europe have found that unequal distribution of household work is a major reason for divorce. The same trend is being seen in India as well. In the backdrop of changing urban life, dual employment, and small families, women are becoming more vocal and are openly demanding equality.
The solution to this problem will not come only through law or social pressure, but it is possible only through mutual dialogue and understanding between husband and wife. Men have to understand that household tasks are not just ordinary tasks, but they keep the foundation of the family strong. If kitchen work, children’s studies, or house cleaning are not done on time and properly, the atmosphere of the house deteriorates, and stress increases. Therefore, it is not right to take them lightly or impose them only on the woman.
Similarly, women should also keep in mind that they should not take every responsibility on themselves without being told. Many times, women remain silent, thinking that “if he will not do it, then I will have to do it.” Gradually, this pattern becomes permanent, and the husband becomes used to avoiding responsibility. Therefore, the habit of sharing work must be developed between the two from the very beginning.
The education system and social campaigns also need to send the message that household chores are not the responsibility of a single gender. Children need to be taught from childhood that both boys and girls can wash utensils, cook food, and do all the household chores. Only when this thinking develops from childhood will inequality decrease in the coming generation.
Society must also accept that household work has an economic and social value. If a woman or a man is doing household chores all day, he or she is working as hard as a person doing a job. It is unfair to underestimate it by just calling it “women’s work”.
The incompetence shown by the husband in household chores not only breaks personal relationships but also deepens inequality and injustice in society. If modern marriages are to be made sustainable and strong, then this mindset must change. Partnership and equality are the biggest needs of today.
Ultimately, it can be said that marriage is not just a contract to live together. It is a bond in which both partners share each other’s joys and difficulties. If the husband makes excuses for his incompetence to avoid responsibilities, it will hollow out the relationship. On the contrary, if he takes equal responsibility, not only will trust and love increase in the relationship, but the family will also become happy and strong.
So it is time for society to challenge this trend instead of accepting it as normal. Women deserve equality, and men must shoulder equal responsibility. Only then can modern marriage become truly successful and sustainable.
