Parliamentary debates are meant to be about relevance – the topic on the table, the question before the House, the policy under scrutiny. In theory, at least.
But when Rahul Gandhi, Leader of the Opposition, rises to speak, the suspense is not about what he will say. The suspense is about what he will drag in.
This week the subject was the LPG supply situation. The government benches expected criticism about cooking gas prices, availability, or perhaps the distribution mechanism.
Instead, the House got the Epstein Files. One could almost hear MPs on both sides wondering: what exactly is the connection, Rahul baba?
Cooking gas shortage meets a disgraced American financier whose scandals rattled Washington and Wall Street. The intellectual bridge between the two remains invisible even through a parliamentary telescope.
The universal adjective compromised
If there is one constant in Rahul Gandhi’s speeches this season, it is a single, versatile adjective: ‘compromised.’
Everything, apparently, is compromised. The Prime Minister is compromised. The Enforcement Directorate is compromised. Institutions are compromised. Even the armed forces, at times, are implied to be compromised.
One begins to suspect that somewhere in the Congress war room sits a small industrial unit – a ‘compromise manufacturing plant’ – churning out the word in bulk packaging.
Whenever the Leader of the Opposition senses a rhetorical gap approaching, he simply inserts the word like instant noodles. Just add hot air and stir.
‘Women’s empowerment’ to ‘compromised.’
Older viewers may experience déjà vu. About a dozen years ago, Rahul Gandhi had another favourite phrase: ‘women’s empowerment.’ Whatever the question, the answer somehow arrived at the same destination.
Arnab Goswami could ask about the economy, foreign policy, corruption, or cricket – and Rahul Gandhi would gently steer the conversation back to women’s empowerment.
It was a bit like watching a GPS that refuses to acknowledge the driver’s route. ‘Recalculating… women’s empowerment.’ The software update now appears to have replaced that with ‘compromised.’
The schoolboy essay technique
The pattern recalls a story many of us heard in childhood. A student had carefully memorised an essay on the cow for an examination. Unfortunately for him, the exam paper asked students to write about an aeroplane.
The boy began bravely: ‘An aeroplane flies in the sky…’ But preparation is preparation. Soon he drifted back to familiar territory. ‘From the sky we can see cows grazing in green fields. The cow gives white milk which is very healthy…’
Rahul Gandhi’s parliamentary interventions follow roughly the same structure. The debate begins with LPG. Within minutes it reaches Epstein. Then comes ‘compromised.’ Eventually we land somewhere near a global conspiracy. The cow has returned to the essay.
The ‘shadow prime minister’
Within sections of the Opposition ecosystem, Rahul Gandhi is already treated as a ‘shadow prime minister.’ The phrase assumes he is entitled to the real job by default – merely waiting for the electorate to correct a temporary administrative error.
Yet in Parliament, instead of building a credible alternative narrative – questioning data, proposing policy corrections, or pressing the government on specifics – the performance often resembles a protest rally.
There is shouting. There is sloganeering. And occasionally there is a rapid exit. Shoot, scoot, repeat.
The GoP slogan factory
One gets the feeling that somewhere inside the Congress headquarters there operates a slogan laboratory. New phrases are tested like detergent brands.
One month it is ‘crony capitalism.’ Another month it is ‘democracy in danger.’ Now the star product appears to be ‘compromised.’
Rahul Gandhi picks up the latest batch and repeats it until the next shipment arrives. For a 56-year-old ‘youth icon,’ the enthusiasm is admirable. The coherence is less so.
The AI summit episode
The Leader of the Opposition also recently made a curious admission. He proudly spoke about how Youth Congress members attempted to disrupt an international AI Summit hosted in India – an event meant to showcase the country’s technological leadership.
Opposition politics usually involves criticising the government for not doing enough. Celebrating attempts to sabotage a global summit is… a somewhat innovative expansion of that strategy.
The LPG question that never came
The real irony is that the LPG issue itself could have offered the Opposition ample ground. Questions could have been asked about supply chains. Distribution logistics. Price stabilisation. Future energy policy.
Even the government benches had laid out data on availability and pricing trends. But to engage with those arguments one must first listen to them.
Instead, the debate drifted from LPG cylinders to Epstein Files, leaving observers to wonder whether the parliamentary script had been written by that exam-hall student who insisted on bringing cows into every essay.
The Opposition’s missed opportunity
In a democracy, a strong Opposition is not merely desirable – it is essential. It must question, scrutinise, and occasionally embarrass the government with well-prepared facts.
But when debates turn into disconnected monologues filled with imported scandals and catchphrases, the only casualty is the credibility of the Opposition itself.
And so the House returns to business. The government responds to the LPG issue. Members discuss supply and pricing.
Meanwhile, somewhere in the rhetorical sky, an aeroplane continues to fly. And far below in the meadow, the cow grazes peacefully – waiting for the next speech.
