There is no shortage of achievements that we Indians like to flaunt. The third largest producer of salt. Fourth-largest economy. First in WhatsApp forwards per capita.
And now, if that meme with Kanhaiya Kumar’s beaming face is to be believed, we have secured the global gold medal in manufacturing traitors. A proud moment, surely.
The straight-faced caption – Hindustan namak paida karne wala teesra desh hai, aur namakharam paida karne wala pehla – is so brutally accurate that even the salt in our tears has started judging us.
For the record, India is the third largest salt producing country in the World after China and the USA, with global annual production being about 307 million tonnes.
Durandhar and the villain within
The current blockbuster ‘Durandhar’ contributes its own patriotic moral science: ‘India’s enemies are inside India. Pakistan comes next. I have not seen the film yet, but clearly Bollywood has finally taken up documentary filmmaking.
Dissent is fine, dismemberment is not
Every citizen indeed has the right to criticise the government and hold it accountable. But when criticism mutates into self-hatred and street protests turn into open rehearsals for breaking up the nation, we are no longer debating policy. We are auditioning for treason.
JNU once echoed with: ‘Afzal hum sharminda hain, tere kaatil zinda hain’ and ‘Bharat tere tukde honge’. The next day, Rahul Gandhi arrived cheerfully, as though he were distributing trophies at a college fest.
India, that is Bharat, is made of different materials. Any other nation would have processed such characters with legal urgency. We, however, hand out long ropes. Some even use the rope to climb into Parliament.
Exporting self-pity on international flights
It is not just campus revolutionaries who bleed the nation. Senior politicians, on their foreign tours, treat international platforms like customer complaint desks – India collapsing, democracy dead, economy sinking, institutions gone.
Yet their frequent flyer miles remain robust. If there were an Olympic category for running down one’s own country abroad, we would again win gold.
Meanwhile, the internet moans that the Constitution was not drafted by sufficiently macho patriots and that laws are too soft. And they are soft enough for bomb blasts, hate speeches, vandalism, abuse of high offices, and assorted national tamasha to pass as daily routine.
The Kanhaiya Kumar paradox
Betrayal is now an industry. And then there is Kanhaiya Kumar – former student leader, part-time revolutionary, now Congress’s NSUI in-charge. His sedition case collapsed due to a lack of evidence, much like national patience.
He insists he never shouted anti-India slogans, others insist he did, the police say maybe, the court says unclear. A classic Indian situation where everyone is innocent and the nation is guilty. He is now pursuing a PhD. One hopes the subject is not break-up studies.
A nation still rich in traitors
We continue to march on – third in salt, first in namakharams. Our GDP may fluctuate, our politics may polarise, our films may exaggerate, but our supply of local traitors remains reassuringly constant.
Jai Hind. Jai Bharat. Vande Mataram.
