Let us raise a glass to Rahul Gandhi, who turned 55 last week – and is still Congress’s designated youth icon. Some men age like wine. Others ferment in the sun and still call themselves grape juice.
In honour of the occasion, the birthday boy offered us a fresh philosophical insight that Japan’s train engines are built by the nation’s original lohars (blacksmiths). Presumably, these are the same artisans who moonlight as sushi chefs and bullet-train pilots on weekends. One can only imagine the strain on his aides – torn between nodding solemnly and not bursting out into laughter.
Still a youth icon at 55
Now, before we go further, I must apologise to you. In a previous column, I called him a 54-year-old youth leader. An egregious factual error. He is 55. And still leading Congress into battle, mostly from the rear, sometimes from Europe.
That is the thing about Rahul. He is a little bit of everything: a traveller, a thinker, a speaker (of sorts), a sporadic politician, and perhaps most consistently, BJP’s luckiest mascot. You can accuse the man of many things, but never of letting Modi catch a break. Every time the BJP feels even slightly nervous, Rahul opens his mouth, and all is well again.
Three consecutive Lok Sabha defeats, dozens of key leaders jumping ship, and still no signs of introspection. In any other democracy, this record would earn you a quiet retirement, maybe a memoir deal and a podcast. In the Congress, it gets you… more power. Rewarded for defeat, while leaders like Himanta Biswa Sarma and Jyotiraditya Scindia found greener pastures – and, crucially, actual responsibilities.
Over the years, we have seen Rahul rebrand himself more often than a struggling startup: the marcher, the hugger, the whisperer of love in a time of hate. Just don’t ask what he believes. That is a mystery even the CBI would not solve.
Political sanyas not so soon
And yet, despite this existential haze, Congress insists on offering him the throne – not because he has earned it, but because no one else is allowed on the throne. The result? Talented leaders walking out, party offices looking like haunted bungalows, and memes writing themselves.
Any other politician with his track record would have taken up a lecture tour, political sanyas, a yoga retreat, or at least a hobby. Rahul, on the other hand, vanishes at regular intervals to mysterious places – not to meditate or strategise, but to recharge his passport.
The last time he truly connected with the masses was when he walked. Literally. It was a rare moment of clarity in an otherwise baffling career. Had he just kept walking, figuratively and literally, who knows?
Accidental stand-up comedian
But alas, one birthday later, we are still here. Rahul remains the youth icon who never grew up, the opposition leader who inspires no opposition, and the only man alive who can simultaneously confuse, amuse, and lose.
At this rate, he may yet become India’s first accidental stand-up comedian – already halfway there with the material. If Kapil Sharma is not careful, he might just be outflanked by a Gandhi with a mic.
