Security is found in a mother’s lap, and questions are raised on the role of the mother-in-law
Studies show that mothers are much more active and sensitive in taking care of their children after delivery than their mothers-in-law. About 70 percent of the pregnant women got better support from their grandmothers, while only 16 percent got help from their mothers-in-law. This change is the result of the breakdown of joint families and modern thinking. The emotional attachment of the grandmother and her maternal experience becomes a support for the daughter. However, the weakening of the role of the mother-in-law is a challenge to family balance. Both the mother and mother-in-law must fulfil their responsibilities together.
In Indian society, the role of the family is important at every stage of life. When a new life is born in the house, this responsibility increases even more. Childbirth is a time when a woman is extremely weak physically, mentally, and emotionally. She needs not only medical help but also care, support and sensitivity at a deeper level. Traditionally, this responsibility was considered to be of the mother-in-law in joint families, but due to changing times and social structure, this role is now gradually shifting towards the mother i.e. grandmother. A recent study has made it clear that after delivery, women get more care and support from their mother than from their mother-in-law.
This fact forces us to think on many levels. On one hand, it shows the depth and emotional strength of the relationship between mother and daughter, while on the other hand, it also raises the question of why a woman playing an important role like the mother-in-law is left behind in this process. The study found that about 70 percent of women got support from their own mother in postpartum care, while only 16 percent of women were taken care of by their mother-in-law. This statistic says a lot in itself.
The relationship between a daughter and a mother has always been based on trust and intimacy. After delivery, a woman goes through the most delicate phase of her life. Her body is tired and weak, and mentally, she faces insecurity and anxiety. At such times, she instinctively goes to her mother first. The mother not only immediately understands her pain but also boosts her morale with patience and love. Every mother has experienced motherhood, so she knows what physical and mental states her daughter is going through. This is the reason why a daughter considers the care of her real mother to be the most trustworthy.
On the contrary, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in Indian society is often surrounded by formalities and expectations. The daughter-in-law is not able to feel as comfortable in front of her mother-in-law. Many times, the difference between generations also increases this gap. The mother-in-law’s way of thinking is based on old experiences, while women of today’s generation rely more on modern medicine and new information. When the daughter-in-law feels that her needs are not being fully understood, she leans towards her mother. This is the reason why the role of the grandmother seems more important than that of the mother-in-law at the time of delivery.
Another big reason behind this change is the breakdown of joint families and the rise of nuclear families. Earlier, at the time of delivery, the daughter-in-law used to stay at her in-laws’ house, and the women of the entire family used to take care of her. The mother-in-law was considered the main caregiver for this care. But now the circumstances have changed. Most daughters go to their parents’ house at the time of delivery. There, the grandmother naturally takes over the responsibility. This practice has taken such deep roots in society that now it is almost considered normal.
This change is also positive in many ways. It is very important for a woman to get emotional security after delivery. When she has her own mother with her, she gets mental peace. Many studies show that the risk of postpartum depression is lower in women who get adequate support from their mothers. The baby also benefits from the experience of the nanny. The role of the nanny proves to be very effective in small but important tasks like timely breastfeeding, cleaning, and vaccination of the baby. Seen from this point of view, this trend is beneficial for the health of both the mother and the baby.
But there is another side to this picture. When the role of the mother-in-law weakens, the family balance is affected. The distance in the relationship between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law can increase. This distance is not limited to just caregiving but can also affect the harmonious culture of the family. After all, the mother-in-law has also gone through this process herself at some point, and the importance of her experience cannot be completely denied. If her experience and affection are not involved in this process, it is not only disappointing for her but both the daughter-in-law and the child are deprived of the support that can give them extra security.
It is important to understand here that postpartum care is not the responsibility of a single person. It is the collective responsibility of the entire family. If both the mother and mother-in-law fulfil this responsibility together, then the woman will get double support. This situation will not only be better for the pregnant woman but will also be more beneficial for the baby. Apart from this, the sweetness and trust in the relationships within the family will also increase.
Society also needs to understand that at a time like delivery, a woman needs not only physical help but also mental support and emotional support. If a woman feels that her mother-in-law also understands her pain and needs, her confidence will increase further. Similarly, if the relationship of communication and trust between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is strong, then the balance of care will be established automatically.
Today, when access to health services and government schemes is increasing, the role of the family becomes even more important. Hospitals and doctors can do their job, but the real responsibility of postpartum care lies with the home and the family. If this responsibility is shared in a balanced manner within the family, then both the mother and the child will directly benefit from it.
Therefore, it is important to raise awareness on this subject. Families should be made to understand that postpartum care is not a matter of competition—it is not a battle between mother and mother-in-law. Rather, it is the joint responsibility of both mother and mother-in-law. The experience and affection of both together can provide the pregnant woman with the security she needs the most.
The title “Mother’s care is better than mother-in-law’s” is a reflection of a changing trend in society. This trend shows that in a sensitive time like delivery; a woman considers her biological mother more trustworthy and supportive. But the ideal situation would be when both mother-in-law and mother share this responsibility. This will not only be good for the health and mental peace of the pregnant woman, but will also prove beneficial for the upbringing of the child and harmony in family relationships. After all, a healthy mother and a healthy child lay the foundation of a healthy society.
