This playful take on a Kerala court ruling spotlights Hyderabadis’ uproar over losing complimentary biryani gravies. Quotes are for effect, and all characters are entirely fictitious.
In a judgement that sent shockwaves through WhatsApp family groups, a Kerala consumer court has declared that restaurants are not legally bound to serve free gravy with porotta and beef fry. Hyderabadis, ever the connoisseurs of culinary flair, are aghast. After all, the long-cherished practice of complimentary shorba and mirchi ka salan with tandoori rotis was unceremoniously halted years ago, leaving bread enthusiasts to mop up crumbs with nothing but dry air.
‘First they took away our salan with rotis,’ lamented Irfan bhai, de facto president of the Biryani Rights Front. ‘Now what if they want to do the same to biryani?’
Sacrilegious act
Meanwhile, back in Kerala, taste buds tingle at the mere mention of beef fry, chicken chukka or mutton chukka – dishes so succulent that diners practically salivate before a single bite. It is a land where the idea of meat without its spicy, coconut-infused gravy seems almost sacrilegious.
Gone are the golden Irani café days when every tandoori roti came with a side of soul-soothing shorba, even if you hadn’t ordered a single biryani. And if this gravy-free trend—already imposed on poor tandoori rotis—spreads to our beloved dum biryani, Hyderabad might just declare a state of emergency.
Gravy is love, not law
Local restaurateurs defend the move. ‘Gravy is love, not law,’ says one anonymous kitchen owner. ‘If customers want salan, they can pay extra, like a spa surcharge for their taste buds.’ But Hyderabadis aren’t convinced. Rumour has it they are drafting a new amendment to the Biryani Charter of Rights: Article 1, Clause Gravy – ‘Every grain of rice shall be bathed in at least one spoonful of shorba or mirchi ka salan.’
Because in Hyderabad, life without gravy isn’t just bland; it’s unthinkable. And if that fate befalls biryani next, there’ll be more than just tears in our onions – there will be a full-blown, gravy-fuelled revolution.
