Devyn Aiken of Philadelphia recently did what countless philosophers, therapists, and marriage counsellors have failed to inspire in generations of dissatisfied spouses: she got a nose job – and left her husband.
Yes, the $11,000 rhinoplasty wasn’t just cosmetic. It was cosmic. Her nose got reshaped, and so did her future. Aiken says the procedure gave her the clarity to realise she had spent seven years married to someone who did not spark joy. One snip of cartilage, and boom – so long, wedding vows; hello, Insta glow. Or as she might have put it, ‘Our marriage ends where my new nose begins.’
Imagine if Gandhi had Invisalign
Not to poke my nose (which already points righteously in all directions), but I am inspired to reimagine history. How many lives – and possibly world wars – could have been averted had the protagonists been blessed with cosmetic intervention and a good mirror?
Take Mahatma Gandhi. If he had had Invisalign as a young barrister, he might have smiled more confidently, sparing the Brits his passive resistance. A dapper grin, a firm handshake and independence via dental diplomacy.
Even Adolf Hitler might have led a less catastrophic life if he had been born with a chin. His postage stamp moustache could never compensate for that underbite. A strong jawline, sculpted by a German orthodontist, and maybe he would have settled for abstract painting and schnitzel.
Cleopatra’s post-op empire
How many great figures of history could have rewritten their fate if only they had had access to a little aesthetic tweaking?
Cleopatra, often accused of weaponising her beauty, might have discovered with a septoplasty and some post-op solitude that she did not need to seduce every Roman in a toga. With a slimmer bridge and a boost in self-worth, she might have skipped the asp and launched a perfume line instead. Eau de Nile: for the queen in you.
Napoleon might have let go of his height complex with a nasal refinement. No need to conquer Europe, just contour! Picture him as the first Parisian fashion influencer: ‘Bonaparte’s Bon Appetit’, a trending vlog with croissants and coups.
Van Gogh, driven mad by love and inner torment, lopped off an ear. But with a touch of surgical magic to balance his nose, he might have channelled his angst into launching a wellness retreat in Arles.
Modern Makeovers, Missed Opportunities
Even in our times, the possibilities abound. Rahul Gandhi, with a little eyelid surgery and some diction training, might have passed for a TED Talk regular with a start-up pitch. Who knows what one well-timed chin implant could have done for geopolitics? Because the nose, it turns out, is no mere organ. It is destiny’s steering wheel.
Devyn Aiken’s story is less about vanity and more about tectonic life shifts via chisel and suture. Had she opted for couples therapy or a vision board, we would never have heard of her. But thanks to her newly streamlined nostrils, we now have a case study in liberation by rhinoplasty.
Change your look, change the plot
So, if you’re feeling stuck in a job, a marriage, or a WhatsApp family group, you may not need a new strategy. Just a new septum. After all, as history shows, sometimes your life does not change until your nose does.
The body, like history, is malleable. Change one detail, a nose, a lisp, a lazy eye, and you change the story. Devyn Aiken did not just get a new face. She got a new narrative. She paved the way for anyone trapped in outdated identities or unwanted alliances to consider: Maybe it is not you. Maybe it is your chin.
A bit of nostalgia
So the next time you see someone emerge from a cosmetic clinic looking suspiciously refreshed, don’t mock them. They might be about to quit their job, write a memoir, or start a religion. Or at least, file for divorce and go viral on Instagram or Shorts, or TikTok.
And as for poor Devyn’s ex, perhaps she could have offered him the part of the nose she no longer needed, preserved in a little glass jar. A keepsake. Something to remember the marriage by. Nostrilgia, if you will.
