We have heard of liquid assets, but never quite like this. In a move that would make Cleopatra turn in her milk bath, Hollywood actress Sydney Sweeney has turned her bathwater into bars of soap.
5,000 of these sudsy souvenirs, coyly named Sydney’s Bathwater Bliss, vanished from the internet faster than free WiFi in a basement flat. At $8 (₹685) apiece, it is a steal-unless you count your dignity.
Not Cleopatra, not even close
Let us try to understand what this soap really is. It is not made entirely from bathwater. That would be insane, and likely banned under health regulations. No, this is artisan soap with a twist: a few droplets of actual Sydney Sweeney soakwater mixed in, along with pine bark, exfoliating sand, and enough internet hype to scrub away all common sense.
Now, Sydney is undeniably a screen siren. But last I checked, she wasn’t Cleopatra, who rebranded the very act of bathing with rose oils, saffron, and mythical-level mystery. A bar of soap laced with Cleopatra’s bathwater might be a collector’s item or a museum piece. But a soap from the leftover rinse of ‘Euphoria’ actress? That is not history – that is hysteria.
Soap politics at home
In our house, each member uses their own soap. No sharing. The idea of actively seeking to bathe with recycled celebrity water is not just unthinkable – it is deeply unsanitary. But clearly, I am in the minority. The soap sold out in seconds. eBay resellers have emerged, offering second-hand first washes at prices better suited for kidney transplants. One can only imagine the conversations in some homes. Picture a husband trying to sneak in a quick lather with Sydney’s Bathwater Bliss. Caught mid-scrub by his wife, he mutters something about exfoliation and pine bark. ‘Really? You need her bathwater to exfoliate? Have you tried a loofah and a little self-respect?’ she utters.
A bucket of fantasies
The motives behind these purchases are murky. Women, perhaps, hope for a Sweeney-esque glow. Men! Well, let us just say their reasons are best left to the imagination and possibly therapy.
And, if you are so besotted with Sydney Sweeney’s shower rituals, why not buy the soap she actually uses? Surely that is more logical than chasing a bar infused with three drops of celebrity runoff.
Rinse, lather, monetise
But logic left the chat long ago. In a world where influencers bottle air from Taylor Swift concerts and sell it online, bathwater soap is just the latest product in the great grift of fandom.
Still, I must admire the audacity. Sydney Sweeney, who once had to clarify that she did not mean her actual bathwater when fans jokingly asked for it, has now done the most millennial thing imaginable: monetised irony. With exfoliating sand.
Dread to think what’s next?
Meanwhile, I await the next celebrity product. Maybe Tom Cruise will offer Mission: Moisturise – lotion made from sweat collected during stunts.
Until then, I will stick to my trusty Cinthol – no pine, no moss, no celebrity residue. Just soap. And self-respect.
