The Nobel Peace Prize committee may soon have to open a new category: ‘Most Oppressed Elected Leader Who Achieved Absolutely Nothing But Claimed Everything.’
Arvind Kejriwal would walk away with it – perhaps ahead of even Donald Trump, who has already been proposed for the Peace Prize by both Pakistan’s army chief Asif Munir and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Yes, that Netanyahu – the one currently peacekeeping Gaza into oblivion.
Not one to be left behind in a race for unearned accolades, Delhi’s former chief minister may soon stake his claim to the Peace Prize too – for his efforts to govern while being cruelly tormented by the Lieutenant Governor, the BJP, the Constitution, air quality, and occasionally, the laws of physics.
From aam aadmi to mythmaker
Kejriwal has long cast himself as the man who could do no wrong, and when he did, someone else did it. His political origin story is the stuff of Bollywood: an honest activist takes on a corrupt system, wins hearts, seats, and a series of court cases. Then things got complicated:
He promised never to enter politics – until he did. He vowed no alliance with Congress-until votes needed counting. He railed against VIP culture – until his security detail outnumbered DTC buses. He swore he would never leave Delhi for national ambitions – until he tried Goa and Gujarat. He assured free Wi-Fi for all, though it turned out to be mostly free of signal.
Bathe in the River Yamuna?
Among his more inspired promises was to clean the Yamuna so thoroughly that it would become clear. Not just safe. Drinkable. Perhaps even organic, comparable to bottled mineral water.
Remember his famous line ‘Ysmuns mein Ganga nahay’? One might recall his vision of a purified river running through a carbon-neutral Delhi, with couples picnicking on its bio-remediated banks.
What Delhi got instead was a frothy, foam-choked waterway so toxic, even the mosquitoes wear PPE. Crores have been spent. Experts have been consulted. MoUs have been signed. And yet, the Yamuna remains the most consistent foamer in Indian politics, after Kejriwal himself.
He says the Centre did not cooperate. The Centre says he did not work. The Yamuna says nothing. It is too busy dissolving what is left of aquatic life.
Promises made, U-turns taken
Kejriwal’s political GPS is perpetually recalculating. Every promise comes with an expiry date shorter than his government’s ad campaign. Some examples:
1. CCTV cameras for women’s safety – mostly used to monitor traffic violators and potential criminals.
2. Mohalla clinics for all – some function; most exist only on PowerPoint.
3. Regularising contractual staff – except the ones holding placards outside his residence.
4. Pollution-free Delhi – tackled through Odd-Even schemes and even odder logic.
His press conferences are more frequent than Delhi’s rainfall – and twice as predictable: Blame. Deflect. Announce. Repeat.
Loot & let loot: The Delhi model
BJP leaders, not exactly champions of subtlety, have nominated Kejriwal for a ‘Nobel Prize in Corruption, Incompetence and Anarchism’. They accuse him of looting Delhi’s exchequer, mismanaging Covid funds, and operating a liquor policy so transparent it disappeared altogether.
Their diagnosis: ‘He’s not just corrupt. He’s confused.’
AAP, naturally, calls this a political vendetta. They say Kejriwal is ‘Mr Clean’ – which is technically true if you exclude electoral funding, liquor policy, party finances, employee contracts, and housing refurbishments.
Some even argue he is the only political prisoner in India with access to Zoom, court appearances, and the ability to run a campaign from judicial custody. Mahatma Gandhi fasted in jail. Kejriwal releases videos about the fast internet.
This article was fact-checked by Yamuna’s last surviving fish, currently undergoing trauma therapy in a Delhi aquarium.
The Nobel Peace Prize Committee could not be reached for comment, but sources say it is still recovering from the Trump–Kejriwal double nomination.
